That is Going to Cost You …
Diving into the Deep End Pt 2
By Thelma Dade
“But King David said to Araunah, ‘No, but I will buy it off you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God of that which costs me nothing.’ So, David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.”
2 Samuel 24:24 (AMPC)
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also]’.
Matthew 16:24 (AMPC)
Lesson Two: That’s Going to Cost You…Trust Me!
I love my Savior! He never fails, gives up on, or ceases to amaze me. Honestly, there are days when all I can do is look at where I am, realize how far He has brought me, and just weep. I weep for the foolish child I once was, for the unbelieving adult who couldn’t figure out how to trust the only person who ACTUALLY LOVED her; I weep for all the time I wasted, afraid to jump into the deep end with HIM! Mostly, I weep for joy, because the love and peace I have now surpassed anything I could ever have imagined or dreamed of – anything, ever! I am so glad I learned to trust Him, but it cost me; it cost me everything.
I remember the first time I read about David and Bathsheba. I thought he was an idiot. Why would he risk it all for a woman? After all, God had done for him, and everything he had, he risked not only his life but the lives of his people. Idiot.
Then, I got to 2 Samuel 24:24 and Holy Spirit said, “Remember when you chose a man over me? I honored that choice. It was all I could do. I had to let you choose.” Idiot. Yeah, that was me. I could see the man. I could understand being married, being secure, and having a family. I saw the years stretching out before me, and the choices that were set before me didn’t seem like they were all that difficult. Weren’t we supposed to grow up, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after?
Except, God had just given me an amazing word from a faithful believer. The word was this: “I am equipping you to go into the nations. You will go where I send you, equipping, teaching, and bringing those who are behind into the Kingdom where I am calling them.” I was in Charleston, SC at the time, and in the military. I knew God wanted me to stay in the military and go where He would send me. But, that isn’t the choice I made.
I made what I thought was the safe choice. Marry the man. I couldn’t see the HOW of what God was calling me to do. I was afraid, and I didn’t trust Him. So, He did what any good lover would do; He let me go.
That must have broken His heart. Even more so, knowing that while I considered marriage a safe choice, He knew it was anything but safe. That one choice very nearly cost me my life several times. It cost me 25 years of pain, and separation from God, and yet, He was faithful to me. God was there when my prayer was no longer, “Strengthen me Lord,” but “DELIVER ME GOD!”
During that time, I was in the proverbial wasteland. I was in a church meeting that I had to go to, not because I felt it was a good thing, or that I would be blessed by it. It was mandatory! A guest pastor was speaking about how we must “take up our cross and follow Jesus,” and how burdensome it was! He went on and on and on until I couldn’t take it any longer. When he paused to take a breath, I said quietly into the silent room, “It isn’t about our suffering. It isn’t about how heavy the burden is. It is about being willing to say, ‘Yes’. Say, ‘Yes Lord, I will,’ and not make excuses about why we can’t. It’s will or won’t. Not can or can’t. And we should be willing to lay everything at His feet daily. Only then can He truly use us for His Kingdom.”
Holy Spirit did something in me that night. I no longer cared if the people I lived around understood me, accepted me, or even liked me. I cared about my soul, the state it was in, my relationship with Jesus, and what God wanted me to do. I was ready to begin again. I was ready to learn how to TRULY trust Him, to love deeper, and to jump into the deep end, even if I went straight to the bottom and never came up. I could continue to live where I was, or I could trust Jesus and the plan He had for my life.
That was in 2004. It took another 3 years for God to fully deliver me, another 10 years to heal all the damage to my soul, and now, … well, I am sitting on the beach in Mexico, because that is where He sent me this time. He told me I am the spare key – the spare pin, the part that someone needs to get moving again. Cool. I am a spare part. I’m good with that! He is the main part, and if He can use me, then “Here am I God. Send me.”
Maybe you are looking back over a lifetime of failure, or perhaps you are at a crossroads wondering which way to go what it will cost you. King David understood the price he had to pay for his sin, and he also understood that it should cost him!
Jesus paid the price for our sin. Everything we have, He gave to us. I hope you choose to give your all back to Him and trust Him to catch you as you jump into the deep end with Him.
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