Loved

Lesson 7

Man, it’s been a journey. Let me just say, that I don’t always learn things the easy way, and I don’t always hear God the first time. I’ve had to train myself to listen, and then I still get to choose. That’s the kicker isn’t it? We still have to choose to be obedient to what He wants for us.

It is so easy to stay in the trauma, and to get the most out of the drama it creates. Especially when pain is involved. When my broken ribs were not healing, my stomach was a mess, and the doctors kept wanting to give me pain medication for all of it, I wanted to just stay in that place, and let someone else take care of me. Illness was becoming an identity and a need.

If I stay here, I don’t have to work. I am in pain, so it’s okay if I am crabby and whiny, and mean. If I get better I will lose the insurance settlement. These are thoughts that went through my mind! I’m not a lazy person, but I was tired and in more pain than I had been in for a very long time, so these things sort of snuck up on me. I am usually always ready for the frontal attacks that Satan launches on me, but these sneaky sniper attacks were taking me out! I began to complain, and whine, and re-tell the trauma over and over until I felt myself sinking into the pit.

I had to choose.

I looked up. “God, I’m done. This is enough! I am not going to do this anymore.” I went back to the doctor, and said, “Look, don’t give me any more pain pills.” Now, look, I’m not preaching the message that you can’t have a pain pill so don’t write and email, okay? I’m just saying for me it didn’t work. We need to get our souls healed to even be able to let go of things like this.

So I cut off the pain pills, and now I am in SERIOUS pain, because my ribs are still very much broken. Man did I regret making that choice for about a minute, but then I said, “God, you know I can’t do this alone. I’ve got so much to do! I don’t want to cancel my next prison event. I need to get to Brazil, Lord…this can’t happen!” I prayed, “I need another miracle. I see thousands of miracles. I’ve already had one. You stopped my internal bleeding. I’m going to believe for another one. You’re going to heal my ribs. Lord, take this pain away.”

I called my whole team together, and they all came over to my house. Tsion, one of my main intercessors joined us via Skype from London. We began to pray. I told them, “We’re just going to soak my soul of this trauma and get rid of it.”

What is one of the meanings of Dunamis? The power to perform a miracle. I was believing that the same power that was healing my soul from the trauma, could also heal my ribs. So we sat there and we soaked and we prayed. About an hour or so into the soak, Tsion said, “I saw a vision. I saw a vision of a waterfall pouring over your ribs and a rainbow.”

I said, “Oh, that’s great. A waterfall is cleansing; a rainbow is a promise! That’s awesome.” I didn’t feel anything at that moment, I was in agony at that moment, as a matter of fact, but I’m like, “Okay, I don’t feel it, but I receive it!”

That night I was still in so much pain. I laid in bed, crying. My hubby did the best he could, but I just cried myself to sleep. Then I had a dream that a woman came into my room and she was painting the wall. All night long, it was the same dream, over and over again. Painting, painting, painting, the wall in front of me in my bedroom. Painting, painting, painting, painting. I couldn’t make out what the painting was, but then suddenly in the morning, right before I woke up, it all came into focus. She had painted a huge picture of a waterfall. Seconds later, I woke up and all the pain, just in my ribs, not the rest of my body, but in my ribs, was completely gone. I knew I’d had a miracle.

God is so good. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it. I’m sitting here crying, remembering the pain, and then having no pain, and realizing just how much I am loved. He loves us all like this.

1 John 4:9-11 (AMPC) “In this the love of God was made manifest (displayed) where we are concerned: in that God sent His Son, the only begotten or unique [Son], into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins. Beloved, if God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another.” -K.S.

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