Let Go and Let God

Let Go and Let God
by Anna Snow

“Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [ aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord.”
 Romans 12:17-19 (AMPC)

“In prayer, there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.”
 Matthew 6:15 (Message)

“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:15 (AMPC)

After my son died, I was extremely angry and full of rage. Murder for the woman I had trusted to keep him safe fumed in my heart. I had not experienced rage on that magnitude before, and the enemy was doing everything he could to keep me angry.  Not only did he repeatedly remind me of all the pain from that day, but kept planting pictures in my mind of what I intended to do to her.  I was a new believer, and I praise God for the love He dumped on me when I was saved. However, my soul was not healed before my son passed. But thank God that He still had a plan for my life.

I finally found her address.  One day, I was in front of her house, ready to kick in the front door. But, suddenly the cops pulled up with their sirens blaring behind me. I was on parole, and now I was going back to prison for the third time. Right before they slapped the cuffs on me, I looked up to the sky and said to God, “Fine, I can’t kill her”!! The Lord spoke very clearly and said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay!”

The Lord had intervened!  My trip to Chino Prison for Women was different this time because I knew that God had a plan for me. This time, I was only in prison for two weeks – just long enough to let go of all the rage.

I liked to walk the small walking track outside in the prison yard. I felt that extreme anger and rage of everything that had happened to me in my life up to that point, plus the trauma of my son dying at only four years of age, on top of the fact that God told me that I couldn’t do anything about it. As I was prayer walking, crying, and overwhelmed with emotions, I begged Jesus to please take this from me; I could not take it anymore! In that moment, I gave all the pain and rage to Him, and peace immediately washed over me! The sun shone brighter than I had ever seen it before, and light beamed down on me.

I was finally free of all the rage! God just wanted me to give it to Him. I went back to my bunk and started to write. I picked up my Bible and found the scripture that says if you will not forgive, I will not forgive you. Then, I heard God say, “I love her too”! I hit my knees! I knew all the horrible things I was guilty of and if I did not forgive her at that moment and get right with God, I would never see my son again!

My son was with the Lord and the only way to have a chance to spend eternity with him was to forgive. Man, that was the hardest thing ever! I chose to forgive her and God did the rest. I was not completely healed at that moment, and still had a long way to go, but it all began the day I chose to let go of my pain and rage, and forgive.

The very next morning, I was called to Receiving and let out of prison. God had rescued me, and He had rescued that woman from me! I have never been back to jail or prison since that day, except to minister! I was given my orders from the Lord, and He gave me freedom from the pain of my past.

Your experiences may not have been like mine, but we all go through things that take us to our limit.

Are you ready to let go of your pain and let God Be God?

Who do you need to forgive today?

Share your story below.  It may bless someone.

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Comments (6)
Christine
Posted at 15:16h, 28 August Reply

Anna, I have been encouraged by your post. So thankful someone can be real about going through trauma, hurt and loss. Very few around me can relate. I recently started getting emotionally explosive like you described as you walked the track. Letting go has not been as easy for me this time. I don't struggle with forgiving people anymore. I struggle with forgiving God. I trusted God with my heart and the greatest desires of my heart. I believed God was setting me up to bring about fulfillment (after 30+ years of waiting) and instead trauma and loss wiped it all out. Something on my end snapped in my relationship with God. After decades of walking with God I never thought something would bring me to a breaking point and this did. I can't even describe the anger, or the betrayal I feel towards God. It has made me question everything. This process is so emotionally exausing that I am constantly tired. I am trying to stay in isolation less I experience more rejection and loss of relationship. No one around me seems to understand. Please just pray with me that I will make some level of recovery this time. It just seems like an impossible mountain to overcome.

Anna Snow
Posted at 16:30h, 01 September

Christine, We are agreeing with you in prayer that you can overcome by the blood of the lamb (Jesus) and the word of your testimony. Keep pressing in Don't Give Up as long as you don't quit you will win the battle.

Janet Olwage
Posted at 15:12h, 21 August Reply

Thank you Anna for sharing your amazing testimony - so very powerful.

noemi
Posted at 20:39h, 20 August Reply

God is so amazing!

Dawn
Posted at 18:56h, 20 August Reply

Absolutely amazing story! So powerful. I’ve often wondered if I have truly forgiven bc there are those I’ve forgiven as an act of my will, but I don’t want to be around them. Being around them pulls me down and often I don’t feel safe. This story is powerful. Thank you for sharing it.

Sean
Posted at 17:40h, 20 August Reply

M y wife is strung out and can't get into program because of Covid, part because of red tape part because she is stuck there ..homeless, I have been a single Dad for almost 5:months with a 7 month old. This is hard, on top of it she still runs around with he man she had an affair with. I am at my wit's end. I am not new to recovery, I am a Pastor, this is very hard ...I am on the fence whether to continue forgiving and waiting or going and filing divorce. I am having a real hard time staying in the place of forgiveness....in top of not knowing how we will make it through with no work.

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